"Me Time Monday" - A Success Story and . .. Well . . . Not So Much

It’s true that Monday isn’t the first day that comes to mind when I think of having some time for myself. I’m more likely to spend this particular day tackling mountains of laundry, piles of dishes and otherwise catching up from a busy weekend. So each week, I’ll be making a point to try out a new idea for “me time” and reporting back every Monday, when we all need inspiration the most.

Let me get this out of the way up front. Today, I will not be sharing my "me time" experiment from last week . . . mainly because it was a complete and utter failure! As a clue, it was something do do with overcoming excuses, and let's just say that the excuses won - for now. But, I am gearing myself up for a rematch in the near future.

Okay, on to something more fun - a "me time" success story. I remember vividly a time after my son was born that I felt like nothing but a Mommy. And as much as I loved being Mommy, I was slightly envious of how little my husband's life had changed since Noah's birth. Don't get me wrong, he is an amazing dad and threw himself into the Daddy role 100 percent. But he still went to work every day. If he wanted to stop for a cup of coffee along the way, he could. When he needed a haircut, he just went and got one. And if he felt like going for a bike ride (his pre-baby hobby), he did. And then there was me . . . at home with the baby, and that's pretty much it.

Somehow, jumping back into swim / bike / run training with a nursing baby didn't seem doable, and for the longest time, I was content with doing nothing for myself. Even the idea of a mom's night out baffled me. Who would want to go out with friends when their wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring child was at home???

In the few months after he turned two and before my daughter was born, I started seeing the value in that time - in any kind of "me" time. But I had no idea what to do. Jim suggested that I needed a hobby - but have you ever tried to randomly pick a hobby? It doesn't really work. And of course, the fact that I was six months pregnant and about to start "babyhood" all over again was slightly limiting.

Ava turned out to be a much different baby than Noah had been. Where he demanded me and only me 24/7, she was content with Jim for a surprising number of hours between nursing. In fact, since she liked things quiet, she much preferred to stay home with him than to join me on a girls night out for coffee or a movie. So when she was about nine months old, I went to watch a friend perform at a bellydance recital. I have to admit, I knew nothing about bellydancing and it didn't sound particularly interesting . . . I just went to watch and support her.

Little did I know that night would take my life in a new direction. About five numbers into the show, I had decided that bellydancing was for me, and I called about classes the very next day. A few years down the road, here I am . . . still taking classes, dancing with one of my studio's performing troupes and even working a paying gig at a local Greek restaurant. Trust me, I collapsed with laughter when my "bellydance" business cards arrived in the mail . . . who would have ever thought I would have needed those???

For me, dance feeds my sense of self in several ways. First, it's the ultimate girl's night out, time away from the house with wonderful and supportive women who have become some of my closest friends. Some are also moms, but many aren't, giving me the chance to take my conversational skills back to a place that doesn't involve diapers and breastfeeding (or in these days, math curriculum and year-end evaluations). It's also a way to be active that's drastically different than anything I've done in the past, and of course, there are the costumes. Bellydance fills my need for all things girlie - glitter and sequins and makeup - oh my!

Recently, it's been fun to share my love of dance with Ava. In fact, she and I will be performing our first duet this weekend. But more than that, I think it's so important for both my kids to see that I exist as more than just Mommy . . . to see me as my own person with my own interests. I think this can be more challenging for homeschooling and stay-at-home moms . . . but very important to model for our kids for their future.

Suddenly Shoeless

So this renewed triathlon interest has brought me to the realization that I no longer have shoes . . . shoes appropriate for running or cycling, that is. Somehow, it seems hugely ironic for the Homeschooling in Heels girl to be shoeless.

It's been seven years (seven years!!!) since I've taken my road bike for a spin, and my cycling shoes - veterans of my two Ironman races - seem to have disintegrated during that time.

My last pair of running shoes remains in my closet, and I take them out walking from time to time. But seeing as how they've been through one marathon and three half marathons over the past two years, they're probably a year overdue for replacing.

Not sure which to start with, but if I can find some cute pink Asics like the ones pictured, that will make the decision easier. Going to check out the local running store this week, but since I've been hording $5 Amazon gift card prizes from Swagbucks, I have about a $35 head start if I order them from Endless instead.

My Kind of Crazy

For the past few weeks, I've been having the urge to do something a little crazy, but I didn't know what. Among the suggestions from my friends were skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, body painting and a new hair color, but for some reason, none of those struck a chord (though the last two were the ones I'm most likely to try). I tried not to obsess about it, but one day this past week, I was sitting at my computer working on the cars lapbook when I decided that what I wanted was to do a triathlon.

This may not sound that odd, but I guess what makes it crazy is that I'd pretty much sworn off tri's after the kids were born. Running I could handle, but finding the time to train for three sports while homeschooling two kids, performing with my bellydance troupe and juggling several freelance writing gigs seemed  a tad unrealistic. And I'm sure it's still completely unrealistic, but somehow, I'm going to do it anyway.

So where did this urge to push my limits in some crazy way arise from? My theory is that I've been so wrapped up in planning our upcoming school year that my balance has been a little off, too heavily weighted in my mama/teacher role and too light on the "me side". Plus, I always like to have a goal on the horizon, and since I swore off running earlier this year (I've been eating my words a lot the past few days!) I haven't really had that.

While I haven't made a final decision, I'm leading towards the Florida 70.3, a half Ironman race at Disney next May . . . and I'm just hoping this still sounds like a good idea once training time rolls around!

Disney Princess Half Marathon

In case you're wondering, this post has absolutely nothing to do with homeschooling. Instead, it's one of those "All About Me" moments. But hey, how many of those do busy homeschooling moms get to have?

This past weekend (yes, the same weekend as the duathlon), I ran the Disney Princess Half Marathon with some friends, and we had a blast! I love that this race lets me combine my love of distance running with my passion for costumes. Where else can you toe up to the starting line in full makeup and jewels and have people think it's more cute than crazy? Along the way, we decided this race was definitely less about having a good (race) time and more about having a good (fun) time. And that we definitely did.

After an icy cold start at EPCOT, we headed to the Magic Kingdom and back, stopping to snap pictures with the characters along the way. Although I've vowed to take a break from running, it's hard to imagine not doing this race again next year!

Back to Blogging

So I've been feeling badly about neglecting the blog the past few weeks. With several bellydance performances (including our huge bi-annual recital) at the end of October, I knew I'd be lucky just to keep up with our school schedule - much less blogging about it.

The good news is that I was able to relax my expectations of what I could accomplish during this time and enjoy all the fun stuff in store just for me. Also good news is that school more or less still got done - many times due to the help of my wonderful hubby. The only bad news really is that the house is a wreck and I'm at least two weeks behind on laundry.

More good news is that we're officially one month into what tends to be my "busy season", and I'm still not feeling the stress. This year, I've decided to relax and enjoy things more (which I've decided to do before but without any success). So far, so good this year.

What seems to be helping this time around is focusing on one thing at a time. Last week was Halloween; the week before was my recital. Now I'm shifting towards putting together my Thanksgiving co-op and potluck; once that's done I'll finalize plans for our Thanksgiving trip and start doing some prep work for Noah's birthday (which is two days after we get back from vacation). Next, of course, will be Christmas, but I'm excited about it - not anxious like I often am.

In the past I've been easily overwhelmed this time of year by all there is to do. Making myself focus on one thing at a time has really alleviated a lot of stress and minimize the time I waste by over-planning. Maybe there really is something to that "older and wiser" thing.

Taking a "Me" Day

Okay, so here's my secret to keeping sane through this motherhood / homeschooling / working venture. First of all, I'm not always sane! But I have been feeling very balanced lately, and I attribute that to keeping a good bit of "me time" in the mix along with everything else. In addition to dancing almost daily (including two nights out for class and rehearsal) and the occasional girls night out, I've concocted a once-a-month "day off" during which my hubby takes the kids out and I have time alone in my house.

Even though I have quite a bit of "me time" out and about, I realized earlier this year that I really missed being home by myself in a quiet house with time to do whatever I wanted. And since Jim is always lamenting that he misses out on all the fun field trips with the kids, this seemed like a great way to get us all what we need. In the six months since I hatched this plan, they've trekked to Disney, visited his dad and gone swimming at my mom's pool.

This month, they headed to the beach for the International Coastal Cleanup. After helping get them out the door at 7AM, I went back to bed - and slept until 11AM. Once I got past feeling guilty about it, it was wonderful! Once I got up, I organized the classroom (not relaxing, but getting it done made me feel better) and started getting ready for the second part of my day - a bellydance photo shoot and hafla (dance party).

The shoot was hosted by Kristen Wheeler of KH Photographics, whose work I've been admiring for many months. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with her and also to be shooting with some good friends. Pictures + bellydance costumes + girlfriends = a great day! Once we wrapped, we headed to the hafla to relax and enjoy some amazing performances.

This was definitely the mother of all "me days", but whether I get a half-day at home alone or a full-day extravaganza like this, these days really help me stay balanced. I still remember (as a brand new mom) not understanding why I'd ever want to be away from my child - and I still get a few pangs of remorse each month when I see them off for the day. But now I realize that taking care of myself helps me take better care of them, and I cherish the time to regroup and focus on myself (for a few hours, at least).

Running on Empty

Don't panic. It's not actually Halloween yet. This isn't even a Halloween picture; it's a snapshot from my last half marathon. Yes really. Hey, if I can homeschool in heels, I can certainly run a half marathon in a tiara and a clamshell bra! And in my defense, it was the Disney Princess Half Marathon.

So have I mentioned before that I'm a runner? I use that term loosely because sometimes I run and sometimes I don't. Right now, I don't. But over the course of the past decade, I've logged my share of miles . . . 11 marathons, 2 Ironman triathlons, assorted other stuff.

I'm not one of those people who can't survive without my daily run. Don't get me wrong - I love how running makes me feel. That's just not my main reason for doing it.

So what is? For me, running has always been a learning experience. It's taught me to slow down. It's taught me to be (a teeny tiny little bit more) patient. It's taught me that it's okay to do things I'm not "good" at. It's taught me that the race isn't always won at the finish.

Most recently, my biggest running accomplishment has been deciding not to run. After completing the Goofy Challenge in January (running both the Disney Half Marathon on Saturday and Disney Marathon on Sunday), I immediately signed up for the 2010 race.

But as time to start training drew near, I knew that I just didn't have it in me. My passion is elsewhere these days, and I felt that running would be one time commitment too many right now. I'm a homeschooling mom. I work two (freelance writing) jobs at night. I'm a bellydance student and a member of one of our studio's performing troupes. It's not my time to be a runner, too.

Backing out was hard. If I commit to doing something - I generally do it. But I think that - finally - I'm learning my limits and that sometimes what's best for me is (gasp!) doing what's best for me. I'm learning that I can't do everything (at least not at the same time). And I'm learning to be okay with that.

The Shoe Factor

Confession time . . . I bought the shoes. Did I need them? Of course not. But they just kept calling me. And they went on sale - big time.

I'm not in the habit of buying pricey shoes for no reason, but they fit into my budget for the month and hey . . . they're on my blog! And I have to say that I'm enjoying them quite a bit.

Is it silly to get happy from shoes? Maybe. But you know what? Happy is happy. And happy is good.

On our recent trip to the Carolinas, I was delighted to see a wig shop in every town. Wigs make me happy, too, and you can't find a good wig shop on every corner around here. I never really thought about wearing a wig before I started performing as a bellydancer, but now I'm hooked. I don't wear them every day by any means - just for my performances and once in a while for a night on the town - and I find wig shopping to be every bit as fun as wig buying.

I think I've always loved the idea of having instantly fabulous (and fabulously different) hair - but somehow dabbling in wigs for no reason didn't seem acceptable. Of course, I focus much less on what is acceptable these days and much more on being true to who I am.

So as I get back to rediscovering who I am after losing myself in motherhood for several years, I'm taking notes. Shoes are fun . . . wigs are fun . . . sundresses, bellydance costumes (super fun!), coffee (decaf please), sushi, martinis, a good vegan restaurant, a night out with the girls, a night in with my husband, a night of snuggling with my kids, dancing with my kids, listening to their jokes, watching them sleep, editing photos, sleeping in, a quiet house, being home alone, traveling.

How different this looks than the list I would have made in my pre-Mommy days. Am I still the same person? Different? I can't decide. But either way, I'm good with the me I am right now and feeling increasingly blessed these days (of course, as noted in my previous post on balance, a decent night's sleep goes a LONG way to improve my attitude).

Envisioning Balance

So I have a vision board that I seem to keep forgetting about. First it got shoved behind my desk, then in a closet . . . and finally I propped it up on my bathroom counter. There I at least see it a few times a day.

The other day I noticed a phrase I'd pieced together from words clipped from a magazine: "I'm a better wife, mother, friend when I run, yoga, sleep." And then it hit me that I couldn't remember the last time I ran, did yoga or got a decent night's sleep.

That night I decided that things needed to change. I'd gotten in the bad habit of staying up late to work . . . and the even less productive habit of staying up later to watch TV as my reward for finishing my work. On the nights I didn't have to work, I took those extra hours I'd gotten used to having to plow through my "to do" list. Surprisingly, I didn't seem to get any more accomplished, but I did get into a perpetual state of crankiness - and I didn't like it.

So a few weeks ago, I made it my goal to get into bed by 10PM every night. Of course, I failed miserably, but I did make it by 11PM most nights - and what a difference it has made. Within a week, I felt like an entirely new person. I was enjoying my time with the kids and getting frustrated with them less often. And to my surprise, I was actually able to accomplish more during the day than I had been staying up until the wee hours!

Working my way up the list of things that keep me sane, I contemplated running and yoga. I was due to start running again to train for the 2010 Goofy Challenge (running the half marathon on Saturday and full marathon on Sunday during Disney Marathon Weekend in January). To be honest, I was dreading it - mostly because the training coincides with my busy season (starting school, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Noah's birthday, Christmas - oh my!) I was getting stressed out just thinking about squeezing in three runs a week - so I decided that the best way running could help me right now was by opting out. I never "not do" things I commit to, so stepping down was a big deal. But once I made the decision, I knew it was the right one.

As for working out to relieve stress, dance is where my passion lies right now, so that's where I plan to focus. I've put together a realistic schedule that allows me to dance every day and fit in some strength training and yoga workouts during the kids "quiet time" during the day.

Turns out that the secret to finding balance was right in front of me this whole time. I'm glad my eyes are finally open to see it.

Bye Bye Baby (Stuff)

Today, I tackled a chore I've been putting off for many years - "dealing with" all the kids' old clothes. I have never parted with anything they've ever worn; as the outgrow items, I boxed them up and added them to the pile. In part, we were saving them in case we had another child, and, of course, boxing them up was the quickest option. And finally, I don't think I've been ready to say goodbye to babyhood . . . until now.

I'm the first to admit . . . birthdays have always made me sad. And seeing how "big" my kids look when they're sleeping brings a tear to my eye. So it shouldn't surprise me at all that I've had a hard time parting with baby items in the past. I've made three attempts at sorting through clothes that have all ended the same way - with everything shoved back in the box and hauled to the garage.

But this time was different. First, I've been spurred on by a major decluttering kick lately. I single-handedly cleaned out the garage last month (and usually I reserve all garage-related tasks for Jim), emptying out 19 boxes of "stuff" to either donate or put to good use again. I've shelved holiday decorations, boxed and labeled all our old photos and mementos and trashed old office files we no longer need.

And then there were "the boxes". 12 of them, to be exact. 12 boxes containing the clothes that represented all my memories as a mother.

I'm happy to report that the 12 boxes have turned into 2. One is filled with favorite outfits we'll And to my surprise, the task was much easier than expected. There were no tears, no pangs of sadness. As I picked up each item, I knew instantly whether it was one we'd save or one I was ready to pass along. Somehow, I felt silly for hanging onto them for this long. But I think today was just the right day.

Things have been changing recently. Today, I looked up to see my "baby girl" sitting on the couch telling a story - clearly no longer a baby. But I wasn't sad. I was excited. My "baby boy" is about to start first grade, but again, I am thrilled - not teary. Seeing babyhood slip away doesn't scare me any more. I enjoyed it - loved it - but I am ready for the next chapter.

I guess that in the back of my mind, I always knew those clothes were more than just clothes. But even though I had no use for them, I wasn't ready to part with what they represented. For so long, being a "new mom" was how I defined myself . . . saying goodbye to babyhood left me trying to figure out "what now?" for myself.

But now that I've done away with the old, I'm ready for the new - all the wonderful, unknown exciting things that are yet to come - for me as a mom . . . and as more. After I wipe away the tears, that is.

More About Me

Since I've already revealed my "past life" as a competitive equestrian, I might as well fill you in on what I'm doing now (although I'll keep the stories about all those years in between for down the road). Today, I am . . . geez, here's one phrase I never thought I'd say . . . a bellydancer. Yes really.

About two years ago, I went to watch a friend who had been taking classes for a while perform at a show. I went to be supportive of her, not because I had any interest in bellydance . . . or so I thought. To my surprise, I took one look at the women on stage and decided "I want to do that." And, of course, "I want to wear that." You know the thrill I get from a nice pair of heels, so I'm sure you can imagine my reaction to bellydance costumes . . . sequins and rhinestones and shimmer - oh my!

The very next day, I called to inquire about classes and a few short weeks later I was dancing. Or should I say, a few short weeks later I was taking classes. It would be many months before it felt like any actual dancing occured. Even today, I can't remember exactly when I made the transition from feeling ridiculous (and uncoordinated) to feeling like I had half a clue what I was doing.

Fast forward one year, and to my disbelief, I was up there on that stage! I've since performed in three of our bi-annual shows, two informal haflas and at several community events. I've learned to dance with props such as veil, sword, candles and wings (in the picture above) and have even dabbled in other dance forms like burlesque, Bollywood and samba. Last December, I was cast in the peforming troupe Gypsy Sa'har, and dancing as part of a group has been amazing!

So what's my point here? I'm not really sure I have one; I just got some pictures back from a recent photo shoot so it was fresh in my mind and I thought I'd share. Perhaps it's that the group of women that I've come to know through dance is so fantastic, they're kind of the next phase past "mommy group" for me. After being known as "Noah and Ava's Mom" for so long, it's nice to have a place where I can just be Jessica . . . or technically Mahryn (my stage name).

So, as Jim is off wrestling the kids into bed (for the third time tonight), I am stepping away from the laptop to put the final touches on a new choreography for my audition on Sunday. My, how life changes!

Horse Tales

Remember when I said this blog wasn't all about homeschooling? Like my life, it's still just a teeny tiny bit about me (at least every once in a while). Well, this is one of those times.

Yesterday, we made a trip to the tack shop to buy the kids a riding helmet. You see, our recent unit study on horses has really stirred up something in all of us. For the kids, it has sparked an interest in riding lessons. For me, it's brought back memories of my childhood and given me the desire to help my kids to find something they are passionate about - whether it turns out to be horses or something else.

I rode competitively growing up and always thought that riding and teaching would be my career. Turns out, the fun went out of it once it became a job. So after riding 3-8 hours a day for the better part of 10 years, I walked away and never looked back. Until now.

Today, we went to "test ride" a horse available for partial lease. I'd really like to teach the kids myself, but at the same time, I wonder if I'm rushing things. Would it be better to do lessons for a few months and see if the interest sticks? Of course, at the same time I'm online searching real estate listings for horse-friendly houses, so compared to that, a partial lease sounds almost rational. I'm very curious to see where this will lead, and only time will tell.